S T R E S S. F A I L U R E. R E J E C T I O N.
It's a HARD pill to swallow. But, without all three, you really won't know what happiness is.
Think about it...
Without stress, how will you know what peace feels like?
Without failure, how will you know success?
And without rejection, how will you know what acceptance is?
These three, very difficult pills to swallow are necessary in our crazy, beautiful lives.
You guys know I'm reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, who by the way, is a total genius. This book is all about...well, not giving too much of a fuck, and enjoying the shit out of your life. It really gets into all the details of a happy, healthy lifestyle, and how not to give a fuck about what others think.
I mean, that's kind of always been my approach to life, but it nice to read it and be reassured.
In a recent chapter, I read that these three pillars (stress, failure, rejection) teach us so much. If we didn't go through these in life, we wouldn't know what a happy life would feel like.
Let's start with STRESS.
Guys, know this. Life is FULL of problems. Little ones, big ones, serious ones, not-so-serious ones. I have been told on countless occasions that I live a pretty stress-free life. And that's not because I don't come across problems in my life. (Or don't care about anything...) Because I sure AS HELL do. Lots of problems. Little ones, big ones, serious ones, not-so-serious ones...
In fact, sometimes I welcome stress. This way, I know the bitch is here, I'm not avoiding it, and I WILL kick its ass. Get it?
"Don't hope for a life without problems. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems." (Says, Mark Manson, in the book)
It's all in how you deal with your problems. Happiness comes from solving your problems.
Recently, something happened to me. It was sort of a "big problem" causing a decent amount of stress in my life. I'm not going to share the problem in any detail here, because believe it or not, I like to keep a few things private. However, when I'm dealing with a life-problem, I always learn something.
And when I learn something, I ALWAYS like to bring it back to The Chic Confidential. I never want to keep anything that's working for me, from you guys. TCC is my baby, and a place where I can share all my thoughts with you guys. In fact, writing/ sharing helps me de-stress. It's a good platform to reflect, collect my thoughts, and then let it out.
Anyway, while dealing with this particular issue, I realized that when you're stressed out and going through a difficult time, it's easy to act/react on emotion. This can actually make things worse.
Stress on its own, can be very emotionally draining. You immediately want to do whatever it takes to stop stressing yourself out and therefore can act out irrationally.
Be patient with yourself. Be patient with your stress. When your emotions fade away, you're able to compose yourself and you think more clearly. More rationally. It starts to make sense in your head, and then all of a sudden you start to find a way to resolve your problem.
Sometimes the best way to get over an issue/stress is to deal with it head on. I mean, everyone handles stress differently. For me, I try not to run away from an issue. I like to acknowledge it, and then figure out the best way to get over it. Acknowledging your problem/stress is important. Cry. Cry a lot. (If you need to. Let it out!) Then compose yourself and figure out how you're going to move forward. Sometimes I actually write it down and the steps I'm going to take to overcome this. Trust me, it helps.
To be happy we need to have something to solve. Happiness doesn't magically appear when you make enough money, or win the lottery, or build your new house, or date the "perfect" guy.
It's a constant work-in-progress.
Also, having a good support system when going through problems/stress, is great. I have THE BEST.
We're ALL kind of afraid of it right? Whether it's failing at our jobs, our businesses, our relationships...etc.
Who gives a SHIT about failure.
Failing isn't a bad thing. It's a lesson that we learn. It teaches us to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
You may fail a few times before perfecting something. When you fail, you have a chance to improve.
I failed at a 4-year relationship. Then I failed at a 7-year relationship. Am I going to quit relationships forever? HELL NO.
You fall. You get up. You dust yourself off. You focus. And you TRY AGAIN. (I'm totally singing Aaliyah's song in my head right now.)
I'm not saying that failing doesn't hurt. Because it fucking does. But, you can't win if you don't play.
Take risks. Jump into situations that make you feel uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to fail.
Because you never know. You may just surprise yourself, and NOT fail. You may succeed. And then greatness happens.
You never want to be that person who didn't take the chance and then regretted it later.
DON'T BE THAT PERSON. Instead, take the chance. Many, many successful people have failed at their first, second and even third attempt. Oprah being one of them...
“There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.” - Oprah
What's the worst that can happen, anyway?
Kind of goes hand in hand with failure, right?
You get rejected by the cute guy/girl at the gym you finally had the balls to ask out.
You get rejected by your boss who hates the new idea you've pitched.
...by a sports team you tried out for.
...by the university you've been wanting to go to all your life.
I can keep going...
Again, it's all in how you deal with it.
Fuck rejection. Just like, fuck failure and stress.
Be a bawse and OWN rejection. Again, how will you know acceptance when you haven't been rejected?
I dealt with a lot of rejection when I started The Chic Confidential (before it was The Chic Confidential.) A LOT. I was a tiny brand (yet another fashion blogger) knocking on the doors of big companies asking to collaborate with them. Many of them shut their doors in my face. A few of them listened to what I had to say, then shut their doors. And a hand full decided to work with me.
Don't expect the destination without the journey. Rejection is a part of life. Just like stress and failure.
And with rejection, you actually become stronger. Like when I was rejected many, many times by companies I wanted to work with, it gave me the motivation to keep going. To keep pushing. I'm nowhere near where I want to be with the blog yet, but I've accomplished so much, and am so proud of what the blog has become.
So, a little rejection here and there, is okay. Not everyone will want you, and that's okay.
Take it with a grain of salt and keep going.
Guys, I highly recommend reading Mark Manson's book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. It's teaching me quite a lot.
Okay, your turn. How do you guys deal with stress, failure, rejection? Do tell!
Photography by Victoria Jmourko.